he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
