why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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