Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
