Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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