I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
