i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
