She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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