how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
