just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As shirtless as possible
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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