found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
