if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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