Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
