Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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