thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
