I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
