R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
