Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
