just come out here and I will go home with you...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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