Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
