unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
