My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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