so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
