the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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