i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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