Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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