YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
