shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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