I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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