sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
