Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
