pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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