I want to stick my p in your. b.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
