then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize