I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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