none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
