What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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