My nipple is on Facebook.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
