you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He better not be in your backpack
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
