Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
