he thought i was a dude.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
