I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
