Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
