If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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