If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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