Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
