Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
