I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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