Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
