As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
