So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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