I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
