I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
