oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
