I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize