what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
