Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
