now i know why i became what i already was.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
