In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He felt like a one man threesome
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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