Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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