She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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