What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize
