she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
