I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
