first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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