i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I party with great urgency now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
