I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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